Second Chance at Being Fixed
by twistedcommunication
Summary: Marissa, following The Blaze of Glory. And now Alex too.
1. Marissa

Disclaimer: Character was stolen, I am making no profit from doing so.

Setting:After The Blaze of Glory

(I was originally intending this as a one-shot, but if you like it, I can do one from Alex's point of view)

Marissa wondered when everything had got so screwed up. When was it that her life had fallen to pieces, pieces that wouldn't fit back together no matter how hard she tried to force them. And she had tried, so many times. But her life would never be like she wanted it to be.

Maybe that was a lie. Maybe she was just fooling herself into thinking she hadn't had exactly what she wanted, even if it was just for a little while. But thinking about the past wasn't going to bring it back. Wasn't going to bring her back. The funny thing was, Marissa knew she could be fixed. She just needed the right person to fix her.

Alex had made her happy, she couldn't deny that. She knew, because she had tried, too many times too count. Then she would wake up in the middle of the night, Alex's name on her lips, hands searching for her. Every time, she was disappointed. More than disappointed, in fact, to find Alex not there beside her.

No one saw the scars, those scars on the inside. The ones that are only visible if you look really deeply. Alex did that, she saw them. And she tried to fix them, the way Marissa wanted them to be.

Marissa couldn't explain why she was feeling this way when other people asked. It wasn't that she was ashamed of what her and Alex had, it was simply that she didn't want to be reminded of what she had lost. She couldn't bear to think about her. It hurt too much.

The thoughts kept coming, though, twisting around each other, tying Marissa up with her memories. Knots that couldn't be undone formed, until all she was left with was her twisted recollections. She had to do it, she told herself, it was the only way to stop hurting.

Only it wasn't. The pain didn't go away, she felt trapped, trapped within herself. It seemed like she'd have plenty of people to be there for her, but right now, it was like only one of them existed in her mind. The one that wasn't there anymore.

Marissa wanted to beg her to come back, she had wanted to run after her when she left, telling her that she'd do anything to take back what had just happened between them. She didn't do it. It repeated, sometimes, like a mantra, over and over in her head. She didn't do it.

She didn't do any of those things, and she didn't know why. Why was she such a coward, why couldn't she tell Alex how she felt about her? She didn't mean for their relationship to turn out this way. She had really believed they were better than that.

Sometimes, it got so that she couldn't even remember why they broke up. So Alex felt like she didn't fit in in her life, so what? They could have made an effort to fit into each other's lives. Should have made an effort.

Marissa was sick of giving up on everything in her life. She sure didn't mean to give up on Alex. She had, though, and she had been regretting it ever since. She thought maybe she'd be regretting it for the rest of her life.

To some people, that might seem extreme, but those were the people who didn't realise how much of herself she kept hidden. How much of that she had shared with Alex. She'd let her in, only to shut her out when things got too much.

She wanted to say those words to Alex, those words she'd never managed to quite get out. Every time she made an attempt, it was like she choked on them. Not because she didn't mean them, but because she did. That had scared her, beyond words. Maybe that's why she didn't vocalize it, not to any one. While she had watched Alex walk away, all she could think about was how much she loved her. Needed her.

She'd been pretending for too long now. Playing a part. She never felt like she had to do that with Alex. She wasn't constantly judging her, not like the rest of Newport society. She couldn't appear broken in front of these people.

When she was alone, however, was a different story. She was broken, then, when no one was watching. Every day, she'd break a little more, as her feelings built up. She'd hurt Alex, and that was perhaps what hurt her the most in her moments where she was open, raw.

Alex hadn't deserved that. Marissa hadn't deserved Alex, she realised now. She wanted to go back. The look on Alex's face at the bonfire, as if she was holding back so much hurt, haunted Marissa in her dreams.

All of her memories of Alex were tainted now. All she wanted was a second chance.


	2. Alex

Chapter2ma2

A/N- Sorry if this sucks, I found it kinda difficult to write from Alex's POV, for some reason.

Alex couldn't sleep, again. Ever since she'd left Newport she'd been having this problem. All she was thinking about was her. Awake, asleep, somewhere in between, she was always on her mind. It was constant, and it was starting to make Alex feel like she didn't want to think.

No matter how hard she tried to direct her thoughts to something else, it wasn't successful. They just kept falling back, into visions of her. The last time she saw her, was the particular memory today.

Marissa had actually looked like it meant something, that they were going to have anything anymore. She actually looked like she cared. Alex saw that, but she also saw that it wasn't enough. She'd invested everything into that relationship, and where did it get her?

Here. Where she was constantly lonely, cold without her touch. Waking up in the middle of the night only to be haunted in her thoughts as well as her dreams. She'd got burned. Again. She just wanted to stop hurting.

People thought that Alex wasn't the kind of girl that cried. The truth was, it was all she'd been doing, ever since she turned away from the bonfire. She hadn't been able to hold back then. She had, before, while Marissa could still see her. She didn't want her to feel guilty. She was still thinking about Marissa's feelings, even when the girl just shattered her heart into tiny pieces.

She tried to convince herself, sometimes, that Marissa didn't realise how deeply she felt for her, didn't realise how much she hurt her. But she knew that was a lie. When Marissa had mumbled, half asleep, half drunk, that she loved her, she'd believed her. She believed her with all her heart. And that made it so much easier to break.

She didn't think she could ever put it back together. Sometimes, it felt like what she had with Marissa was just an illusion. Then she'd think about what she was feeling, and the fresh wounds on her heart would remind her how real it was.

It was never anything but real for Alex. In fact, it was the most real relationship she'd ever had with anyone. The only time she had been completely open and honest about herself. She'd told Marissa things that she'd been keeping to herself to years. She trusted her, and she thought Marissa trusted her too.

Marissa had told her once, that she thought she was broken, and Alex could fix her. And Alex had told her, that even though she didn't think so, she'd spend forever trying if that was what Marissa wanted. She meant every word. She'd brushed the tears off Marissa's cheeks the countless times that something made her cry. She wouldn't have to say anything, because they had a connection.

Their connection had been severed, and Alex felt like it shouldn't have happened. Two people, tied up together that way, shouldn't be separated. She was only accounting for her own feelings, though, and she wished they had both cared enough to stop it from happening.

She would always care; there was no denying that. Part of her, in fact, most of her, would always be in love with Marissa. She had been her reason for being, even if it was only for a little while. She'd never forget that, from the intensity of their first moment to the heartbreak of their last.

That didn't stop her from wishing, on occasion, that they had never met. Although Alex liked to think it was better to have had that, than to have never experienced something so powerful, she also couldn't deal with the hole it had left in her.

Not just a hole in her heart, but in her entire being. She had become a different person after Newport. She wanted to hate Marissa for it, but she couldn't bring herself to think about her that way. She knew that, even before she wanted to try.

When Marissa had told her she'd never let her go, she'd believed her. Now she was falling, so fast. No one was there to catch her. She'd never needed catching before, and especially not while she was with Marissa. She'd always seemed to be so high.

She'd never been a needy person, or a jealous person before Marissa, either. When she and Jodie drifted apart, it didn't hurt her. When Jodie cheated, it didn't hurt her. When Marissa began to pull away, her feelings went beyond hurt. She tried to cling onto what they had, but she lost it anyway. Lost her anyway.

Sometimes she was a little bitter about that, if she was honest with herself. She may have told Ryan that it wasn't about him, but deep down, she didn't believe that. She resented him, for having something that she didn't.

All she had wanted was for Marissa to come after her. If Marissa had come after her, she knew there would have been no question of her leaving. She wouldn't have been able to do it.

She had waited, and it didn't happen. All she had wanted, and all she didn't get became the same thing. That had never happened to her before. In her head, she heard Marissa ask for a second chance, and she wished it would become a reality. She wanted a second chance, and she wanted to give Marissa a second chance at being fixed.


End file.
